So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So squirting runs in the family.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
