haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize