Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
