Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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