Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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