My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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