So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
