WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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