Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
