I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How does it feel to date your dad?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
