what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
