I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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