Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
