doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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