can u get pink eye on your cock?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
