never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
