i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
