i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
