1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
