I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
