Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
smell my finger.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize