I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize