Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
