I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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