yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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