Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
