i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize