oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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