when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
