People in love make me want to vomit
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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