He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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