you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
