I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
