When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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