You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I looked at my own cervix.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
