To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
