had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
