meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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