I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
