when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
