i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
