It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
