i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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