If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
