I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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