My Higher Power is John Stamos
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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