Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
