This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
