He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Is it because I queefed?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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