like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize