Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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