You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
