She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
