Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(640): View more from

I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease

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(810): View more from Michigan

i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore

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(513): View more from Ohio

Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar

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(540): View more from Virginia

Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus

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(860): View more from Connecticut

The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless

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(425): View more from Washington

I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again

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(541): View more from Oregon

I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.

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