I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
