White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize