I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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