Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
