Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
