New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i out mim tonsoeep
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