well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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