dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
