it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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