i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
