so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
