There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
