I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
