she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
