I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
