On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
the raccoons are back...
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