apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize