I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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